Monday, November 12, 2012

In which I run 13.1 miles and wax philosophical

So, I ran a half marathon on Saturday. No big deal.

It's been on my life goal list for a while now, but I've never followed through. But when my exercise partner went out of town for the summer, and I heard my friends talking about running the Richmond half marathon, it felt like the perfect storm (in a good way). This year has been really, really hard, and I needed a project: something that would make me feel alive and would help me remember (or maybe learn) that I can do hard things. Earlier in the year, I never could have considered running the half, because I should have been eight months pregnant right now. When I started considering the half, I wondered if it would be possible because hopefully I would be 3+ months pregnant (again), but I figured it would just be a good way to keep me exercising during that sluggish first trimester-- I definitely worried about having morning sickness on the day of the race. But now, here we are, and the only thing that made me nauseated on race day was my own nerves. I found a lot of catharsis in training-- there were plenty of runs when I was glad to be alone on the path so I could squeeze in a good cry while I ran. I thrived on thinking how proud I would be crossing that finish line.

My training was a little crazy. I was exercising consistently before signing up for the race, but I was not in running shape, and hadn't run more than 3 miles since high school. True to my nature, I procrastinated starting the training, so for the first few weeks, my long runs increased by two miles instead of one. But once I hit seven miles, I started feeling pretty good. I knew I would finish the half (even if I had to walk), and I also knew I never wanted to run another half marathon ever again. I skimped on plenty of my weekday runs, and even injured my hip and had to skip my 10 mile run. I had consistent knee pain the entire time, and got in the habit of icing my knees every night before bed. By the time I ran 11 miles, every. single. step. hurt. (I finally invested in some new shoes, which helped some.) As race day neared, I kept saying how nervous I felt, but when people asked why, I couldn't really come up with a good reason. I knew I was ready-- I think it was just the excitement and nerves of doing something I had never done before, and it felt like a big deal. (Plus, I had been nervous before every long run.) I was also feeling embarrassed about my pace and had to keep reminding myself that it didn't matter how slow I went-- even if it took me over 3 hours. All I wanted was to finish!

The night before the race I had this great philosophical moment. I realized that whenever I think of the various life goals I have (like running a half marathon) I imagine the Courtney who does those things to be without flaws. Like, when I finally achieve (blank), I'll finally be fit, be organized, never procrastinate, know what I want to do with my life, etc. (because obviously I couldn't achieve all those goals if I didn't!) But I realized, hey! I'm still the same Courtney who is running this half marathon. I'm still very unorganized, I'm too uptight, and I often feel like I have no idea what I am doing. But even with all that, I am still running a half marathon. So this Courtney, seriously flawed Courtney, can achieve anything. (Isn't this awesome and cheesy?) But also, I put in the work and I got better at something. It was really hard work, but it was also gradual, and I slowly got better. I mean, seriously, whoever thought 4 miles would be considered a "short run"?

The day of the race was awesome. I was still feeling embarrassed about my speed, and I was trying hard not to make self-deprecating comments to my friends. But I was also feeling pumped! We got to the starting line, took a group picture, and it wasn't too long before we were off! I started my running tracker, to tell me when to take walking breaks (1/4 mile about every 2.5 miles), and started up my AWESOME playlist (I spent hours fine-tuning that thing). The first song was rockin the suburbs by Ben Folds. Perfect. I got a huge grin on my face, and started off. Around three miles I got a little choked up. I thought to myself "I am running a half marathon!" and I couldn't believe it. The first five miles flew by-- I didn't want to take that first walking break, but I did knowing I needed to conserve energy. And my pace was super fast! I knew it was from the adrenaline, excitement, and the crowds of runners, but try as I might, I couldn't (and didn't really want to) slow down. Even after the second walking break, I flew through. We ran through Bryan park, and I knew the halfway mark wasn't too far off, where I could expect my awesome fan club to be cheering me on. Coming out of the park were some hills, and sure enough, there were Sam and Bria giving me that boost I needed to keep going. After my next walking break, my knees were really starting to bug me. I was keeping a pretty steady 10:20 pace, which was much faster than I was used to, and I knew that the walking and starting up again was particularly hard on my knees (a slower pace is more conducive to injuries), so it was important to keep going. But I got a little worn down. I had an energy gel, and just tried to keep moving, but I started thinking about how I still had five more miles to go. And that seemed like a lot. Until-- wait, no! I was wrong!! Somehow I had gotten mixed up, and here I was coming up on the 10-mile marker. It was like Christmas morning! I got choked up again, thinking about how far I had come (this happened again at mile 11 and mile 12). One last walking break, and I was on the home stretch. My last interval was 2.6 miles, and it went like lightning until mile 12. I thought that last mile would be the easiest, but I felt every step. My knees were really starting to hurt-- actually worse than they ever had before-- and I was starting to worry I was doing serious damage. We rounded a corner, and suddenly, there it was: mile marker 13. This was it! I was trying to keep it together, but as soon as I saw the finish line, I was like a blubbering baby. I was trying really hard to not sob, because that just seemed awkward, so I just focused on maxing my pace for that last .1. I focused so hard I forgot to even look for Sam and Bria in the crowds. And as I crossed the finish line, I looked at the clock and it was 2:29. I covered my eyes and limped out of the finish area while I tried not to cry too hard. I did it! And not only did I finish, but I smoked my goal with a respectable first-time finishing time!

So, will I ever run a half marathon again? Every day of training I swore I never would, but the actual race was so awesome, I can't say that I'm shutting the door completely. 



9 comments:

  1. Um, hello?! How did I not even know that this blog exists! I'm so excited you linked to it!

    Also: I'm so impressed that you ran a half marathon. You are tough! Also, Bria's sign was really really super duper cute.

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  2. This is so awesome!! I swore every day of training I'd never do it again either, but HOURS after the marathon I was thinking - I'm totally doing this again some day. :) It just felt so good to realize I can do hard things. I'm reminded again after each race that the training is the hard part and the race is just the celebration. Enter the lottery for the nyc marathon next year and maybe we can run it together!

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  3. AMAZING! You are inspiring Courtney, thanks for sharing your journey and thoughts! Love ya! Jean

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  4. I love this and I love you. Wish we still lived in Richmond so we could've cheered you on!

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  5. I love this! way to go Court! I'm with Elisa - I didn't even know this blog existed! Can I follow it? I love you. Congratulations. I loved the philosophical part in particular. There is a crack in everything, that is how the light gets in. Right? Even with flaws and quirks and whatever you are AMAZING and capable of so much awesomeness. :)

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  6. Wow, what a story and experience. Thank you for sharing! You are tough :)

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  7. You are amazing Courtney! Such an accomplishment! I wish I could convince myself to do one.

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  8. Courtney I am so proud of you! I didn't know you ran the half in Richmond with everyone. I wish I would have got my lazy butt into gear and trained for it. When I ran my first Half I did the same thing, I cried the last 4 miles and cried after crossing the finish line. It is okay that you cried because a half marathon is a hard thing and an awesome achomplishment! And you DID IT! So fun! Way to have such a smoking finishing time! It took me 2:40 for my first half that I ran. Way to GO!

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  9. Wow! I'm so proud of you Court! I just signed up for my first half in April. Kind of scared but mostly excited. Thanks for your detailed report!

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